Life Is Fucked Up

Life is Fucked Up

I mean that seriously. If you’re ever caught in the center of the whirlwind that’s called life and it’s heaping up piles of shit at you, trust me you’re gonna get out of that whirlwind looking like a McDonald’s cheeseburger that’s looks as if it’s been squished on by the ass of a 600 pound man.

I am that cheeseburger.

Life has been keeping me away from my pen and keyboard. And it isn’t just me. I realized other bloggers have also been kept away by life. This time in my case, it wasn’t the stale old excuse of marking papers. It was the opportunity in applying at this great job that finally didn’t give a rat’s ass at my color. It was about grabbing this chance of getting out of censored China and finally living a new life. Months I’ve toiled in whipping up lesson plans and videotaping lesson demos and camping out on my computer, eyes glued on gmail 24/7 for any of their emails.

Weeks ago, their first letter arrived telling me that I’ve passed the first round and I held it up like a kid who just found Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. Then last Monday their latest email came containing the news that I wasn’t advancing past the second round and right then I felt I just ate a chunk of rotten cheese.

Sweet Jesus, life never seems to tire on beating the shit out of me. I’ve finally decided to get the hell out of my situation, taking the reins and getting the life I want yet fate doesn’t want me to. I’ve swallowed many bitter pills these past few months and that last rejection from that job was the final blow. I’m spent. I’m empty. I’ve given all I got.

That Monday I went through a whole box of tissues and cried like I had just ended a two year relationship. Those tears were friggin puke on all those bitter pills I had to swallow. I even went through the whole cliché of screaming, “Life’s unfair. How could you do this to me?!” interspersed with blowing the snot out of my nose and hiccupping. Not a nice sight to see. Well guess what, bitch? Life is always unfair no matter what. It deals you with a lot of punches. It wants to see how much you can take. When you decide to quit, you’re dead.

Life gave me a black eye. Pulled my teeth. Broke my lip and I’m stupid enough to come back for more. I might have been crying on getting rejected but at least I wasn’t crying on not doing anything to get out of my situation. Funny enough, those two both hurt on the same equal scale. Big sharp thorn stabbed into your heart a hundred times. No shit. You can choose which one you’ll have. Either way, you’ll still go through denial and depression. But hey, that’s life. Live with it. All you can do is move on. Que sera sera.

Pain and suffering. They’re only one side of the coin. And they’re necessary to make you feel human. They’re the extreme opposite of happiness and joy. We don’t know one without the other. One cannot be without the other. How would you know about being happy if you’ve never been sad? How would you know the truth if you’ve never been exposed to lies?

Just like I know life will make a better turn. The darkest hour is often before the dawn. And I’d rather hurt myself getting out of my situation. Failing but doing something about it contrary to never doing anything but sit around and complain and moan and wish things could have been different if I did something about it. Because we’re all going to die soon, honey. We don’t know when it’s going to happen. Time is the only thing that you can never get back and I don’t want to write another sobbing regretful entry that I’ve wasted another year of my life in my journal on New Year’s Eve.

I may have lost this round.

But I will not lose this battle.

So life, you better watch out.

Because I’m coming back.

Related posts:

1. How To Save A Life

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.